May 12, 2009

the gathering: under her shadow

employment hex - part two

Who here likes Blink-182?

Last night I heard a knock at the door in my dream. I went downstairs in my underpants (white Fruit of the Loom briefs that sort of look like a diaper) and with both of my feet crammed into a single, beige nylon sock. I opened the door and there were four or five people whom I had never before seen in my life. Either 80 or 100% of them were girls, either 75 or 80 or 100% of those girls had thick glasses, 50 or 75 or 80% also had dark, ratty hair.
They all looked really unimpressed with my appearance. One of them leaned over to another and asked "does this make you really uncomfortable?". It did!
I also felt a little uncomfortable because of their discomfort, and embarrassed. They crowded into my hallway and were saying that "they should have come on day 3 of the party rather than day 1", and complaining that nobody was there.
I had no idea that there was supposed to be a party, and my mother was home, and I didn't have any booze or Fanta or regular potato chips. I felt really unprepared and overwhelmed. The blonde girl was being forced into contact with me due to the lack of space in the hallway and I started frantically kissing her face, without resistance (although she was not kissing me back).
After I woke up I went downstairs to change my underpants and realized that Tommy must have made some fake posters for a three-day party (like he and I used to do for fake shows at people's houses). I imagined how embarrassed I would have been in reality to admit those girls into my Magic: The Gathering-laden bedroom.
Then I compiled some cereal and ate it while reading Awkward Boners.